and clearly i spend too much time on this site b/c i fell off the bed laughing. teratophilia is the desire to fuck a monster, monster fuckers are too ‘rare’ to get their own article
Kamski x reader spend some much needed time together
requested: yes
I hope you guys enjoy!
(Gif does not belong to me)
You couldn’t remember the last time you woke up to your husband sleeping next to you. Normally, the CEO of Cyberlife was up way before you, or perhaps had yet to go to bed even, by the time you awoke. So waking up to the sun filtering in through the blinds, bathing the man you loved in the soft sunlight, was truly too good to be true. He lied on his stomach, legs and arms sprawled out in such a way that you were trapped against his body. Shifting slightly you look up at his face, noticing how relaxed he looked.
You could see the smallest of freckles that dotted the bridge of his nose, how his lips were parted slightly as he let out quiet breaths, and his hair that was normally always tied back, was loose and splayed perfect around his face and on the pillow. The sunlight cast a luminescent golden glow around his body, and you nearly screamed out loud at how perfect he looked right now. Lifting a hand up you traced your thumb over his jaw, making your way to his bottom lip. “If you’re not careful, I just might bite you.” He mutters as he cracks an eye open to look at you.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” You apologize removing you hand, only to place it in the long locks that cascaded onto the pillow, gently massaging his scalp. “Hm.. I’ve been awake for about an hour. Was waiting for you to get up.” he says shifting so he could pull you closer, it fit was even possible, to him. “Why aren’t you at work?” You asked, curiosity at its peak. Elijah shrugs, both eyes open now as he looks down at you. “Didn’t feel like it. It’s been a while since we’ve spent time together. I thought today could be our day.” he says leaning down slightly to press the softest of kisses to your lips.
Just before he can pull away you gently grab a fistful of his hair, using it to deepen the kiss. Elijah can’t help but chuckle at your actions, finally pulling away when the two of you needed to breathe. “My, aren’t we needy.” His voice sounds gravelly, pupils blown wide. “Well it has been a while since we spent time together.” You say, quoting his words. “However, I’m more than grateful you took today off.” Giving him a smile that showed nothing but happiness and adoration.
“Hm. I am sorry for not doing so more often my love. I’ll try to be more conscientious of our time together. How about breakfast?” He asks, going to sit up, but you cling to his body, restricting his movements. “Later.” You murumer into the crook of his neck, “Let’s just sleep a while longer. Please.” you ask. Sinking back into the bed Elijah wraps his arms around you. “Of course, my love.”
Haven’t drawn anything about Connor since Hank’s birthday, except that rough hbd for friend, but kept writing this story and finally began working on it.
Our cat had all four roommates feeding him each day because he acted like he was starving and we didn’t know that the other roommate already fed him. This was our solution, hopefully he will slim down a bit.
Whenever
I see people quoting/referencing/parodying My
Immortal it’s always one of the same four or five lines. You know the ones.
The
iconic opening paragraph, “Hi my name is
Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair… (et
cetera).”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS
STUDENT… BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
“Then he put his thingie
into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”
“And Loopin was
masticating to it!”
As
great as those are, I’d like to throw a spotlight on what I think are some
of the underappreciated parts of this classic work of fanfiction.
Ebony puts blood on her Count Chocula cereal instead of milk.
Enoby is canonically a weeaboo and speaks to her friends in Fangirl Japanese.
Harry’s scar is now a pentagram instead of a lightning bolt, so either he found
some sort of spell to alter the appearance of the scar or he actually took the time to carve a
pentagram into his forehead.
There is an OC named either Tom Riddle or Tom Rid who works at a “punkgoff” store
in Hogsmeade and has absolutely nothing to do with Voldemort, he just happens
to have the exact same name.
Tara somehow got Fred and George mixed up with Crabbe and Goyle.
The reason Snape doesn’t like Harry in this fic is because Snape is Christian
and Harry is a Satanist.
Marty McFly literally appears out of nowhere to help Enoby travel through “tim”
with his “tim machine.”
Chapter 11 ends with Hagrid singing along to “a gothic version of a song by 50
Cent.”
Voldemort inexplicably speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.
Voldemort wears high heels.
Draco has a flying black Mercedes-Benz and a black MCR broom.
Snape has a Dork Mark on his penis.
Speaking of penises, Draco is apparently “hung like a stallone.” I guess Tara
is a Rambo fan?
The Hedwig/Voldemort sex scene, wherein Hedwig is a male human instead of a
female owl, for some reason.
Dumbledore flies around on his broomstick while holding a loaf of rye bread. At
least, that’s what I think Tara meant by “Sudenly
a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong
black bread.”
Oh yeah, and Dumbledore is an Avril Lavigne fanboy, because of course he is.
James Potter’s “goff” nickname is Samoro, because Tara erroneously believes
this to be the masculine form of the name Samara.
Draco’s singing voice is described as “a
cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson.”
Tara’s brief feud with her editor Raven, as chronicled in the author’s notes, may or may not have had something to do with Raven borrowing Tara’s sweater
and not giving it back. IDK, it’s unclear.
Voldemort smokes a “gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar.”
McGonagall has the best insults, like “horny simpletons” and “mediocre dunces” and probably some others I’m forgetting.
Dobby only appears once in the entire fic and literally all he does is watch
Snape and Lupin have sex, and then run away crying.
Sirius is referred to as Harry’s dogfather, and not gonna lie, even if it was a typo I
think that is a genuinely clever pun.
The Hogwarts janitor may or may not be Chuck Norris.
Tara accurately predicted how Harry would defeat Voldemort in Deathly Hallows. No, really. “nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so
voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111”
This line: “Snap stated loafing
meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly.”
And this one: “‘Crosio!’ I shited pointing my wound.
Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.”
“Azerbaijan”
“Hoes of Wax”
“Tom Bombodil”
“Cornelio Fuck”
“Professor Slutborn”
“Preacher McGongol”
“Lumpkin”
“TaEbory”
“The Bark Lord”
“Vadermort”
This is truly the classic of our generation. I want students to explicate this for AP tests.
Rook's Writing 